I had a doctors appointment the other day and I was stressing out to the max because I thought I was going to be late, and on top of that I couldn’t find parking. My anxiety went through the roof because I didn’t want to miss my appointment that I waited so long for. As I rushed to the receptionist I was thinking about how I need to get my act together and start being punctual.
After I said “I’m so sorry I’m late!” She looked confused and said “You’re actually 15 minutes early…” Then I remembered that when I set the appointment in my phone I set it for 30 minutes early because I knew myself. Myself saved myself. I had my back 😂 Wow. I walked to the waiting chair feeling like a boss and for the first time I felt so organized checking in early…even though it wasn’t intentional. Let me have my moment, okay?!
Anywayyyyyy, I told myself that next year I truly want to set a new standard for myself. Not just learning how to be punctual, but just organized in general. If I had a dollar for every stupid planner I’ve bought, I’d be rich. Target gets me every time. They have the cutest planners and even though I know deep down inside I will not use it, I buy it anyway. Write in it for one day and then it collects dust. Oops.
I’m gonna try again. I have everything I need to get the ball rolling, only I’m not waiting until January 1st. Life is happening right now and I need to get parts of my anxiety under control. I’ve been having anxiety attacks because of my to-do lists lately and it’s no bueno. I have so much going on and I don’t how to balance everything without feeling overwhelmed. Other parts of my anxiety are due to things beyond my control so I scheduled an appointment to meet with a therapist for that.
Again, some things I can control. It’s hard to, but we just have to force ourselves to take care of ourselves right? Momma can’t hold our hand forever.
Goal #1: Write out a week in my planner and refer to it. Baby steps.
Onward and upward (and hopefully more organized),
I consider my weekend to be Sunday/Monday since those are my days off.
Saturday night after work I drove to Vegas to visit one of my best friends Vanessa. I was a bit tired but Diet Coke came through and woke me up. Most of you don’t know so I’ll fill you in on how we met.
Vanessa and I both went on a six month mission trip a couple of years ago. We went to Haiti, Jamaica, and Belize. We genuinely feel like God set up our friendship. We first met in Indiana where the mission trip headquarters took place, and out of alllll of us on the team, we remained the closest and only live a few hours way. Amazing right? I have no idea how I did life without her. Still so freaking happy I went on that mission trip. I think meeting her was one of the few main reasons I was destined to go on it.
Back to this weekend.
When I first got there I first attacked Vanessa with the biggest hug ever because I missed her so much. We talk on the phone every day which adds up to HOURS a week so it was nice to finally have face-to-face interaction. Then we sat on her bed and talked about boys for a bit. Then we fell asleep. It was so simple and so nice 🙂 The rest of the weekend was just some relaxing. We watched murder mystery movies, Miss Universe, ate junk food, talked about boys, our future children’s names, our future weddings (what?), laughed incredibly hard, met up with our dear friend Jill (who is the real life version of Google), and just had a great time doing simple things. The four hour drive is and always will be worth it. I swear I’d do it every week if our schedules weren’t so crazy.
I am so thankful for great friendships.
Here’s a little video of Vanessa and I that I made for her birthday earlier this year:
She makes me laugh so much and always fills my love tank up.
Happy Tuesday friends 💛
I’ve been writing a lot about how much I have been changing lately. Part of me feels like it’s because of all of the new changes in my life; new job, big move to the OC, beach life, etc. I suppose that’s part of it. Another part of me has been thinking about these last few months of making my twenties count. I think the main reason why I have been changing SO MUCH, is because I am exhausted. I am tired of protecting myself.
I don’t regret saying “no” to things in the past. I saved myself from a bunch of heartbreak, failure, and disappointment. However I have been reflecting a ton lately on the moments that made me feel the most alive. It was always those decisions that made me think “I probably shouldn’t do this by here we go!” OR “That seems scary…but I am going to try it anyway” that made the best memories AND where I grew the most.
I went through a phase in my life where I protected myself so much that I missed out on a lot of adventure, excitement, and opportunity. My life became dull quick and it felt too safe.
I don’t want to protect myself to the point of hindrance. I want to live. I want to make mistakes and learn. I want to think in my head “What did I just do?!” with the biggest smirk on my face. I want to say yes to crazy things. I’ve done these things before, but not enough.
I can still protect myself, but I can still live too. I’m excited for the rest of my life. What adventures are ahead? I don’t know but I can start by saying YES when an opportunity arises, scary or not. Dangerous or safe. I’ll figure out how to make it work. I always do.
Yes, dry shampoo and Diet Coke. Also thankful for my family, friends, my job, my coworkers, my bed, my roof over my head, my pillow, my family in Haiti, food, water, my car, warm clothing, music, warm showers, people who do things for others, people who teach me how to love, photos, laughter, hope, Church, grocery stores, electricity, second chances, cures, Heaven, the beach, animals, pretty sky, the sun, the moon, stars, nature, and life.
Happy Thanksgiving 2017
A few months ago, someone told me that I live in a black & white world, and could be missing out on a lot because great things come out of the gray area too. At first I was slightly offended because I felt like he was saying that I wouldn’t receive great things because of my B&W way of doing things. Then I took it as a compliment and was proud to live my life in a black or white way. I felt strong. Steady minded. Unstoppable.
But as time passed by I couldn’t help but notice how very black or white I truly am about things. I started to think a lot about it and had thoughts of what my life would be like if I tried the gray area. What would that entail?
I found some quotes on Pinterest that I used to relate to:
Interesting, right? I decided to try it. The gray area. The unknown zone. Uncertainty. Adventure? It has been nothing less of an adventure. I feel less stressed about decision making and there really isn’t any pressure that I feel anymore. I feel less strict. I relate to these quotes now:
This is just a new way that I am growing. That same person that told me about my black and white ways also said that if I try new ways of living and it doesn’t work, I can always return to my old ways. So true. That gives me comfort and peace. We will never know unless we try, right?
I’m feeling a lot better these days. I feel more open-minded. Free. Light. I’m grateful that those words were exchanged. They stung at first, but as cliché as it is, I guess the truth sets us free.
Who knows, maybe some of the best adventures will come out of the gray area. Maybe I’ll meet some rad people, try new things, and see the world differently. I don’t know if the black & white world is best for me, or if the gray area is where I need to be…but I do know one thing, I ditched the black and white zone for a bit and my world already seems a lot more colorful.
Or coffee. ☕️
I’ve written this post over at least 5 times now…and if you think I am exaggerating, you’re wrong. I am trying to be more intentional with the tone I portray in my writing. Sometimes I am a goofball or sarcastic, but other times I truly feel like I need to be serious.
I’m currently sitting in a cozy café and finally have some time to focus on Lipstick ‘N’ Grace.
This post is just a little update on my dating life.
I’m still bumbling around. For those of you who don’t know what I mean, I am on a dating app called ‘bumble’, (and others too but who’s counting?!) and so far I’ve had a mix of good and bad experiences; lately being bad, lol.
I keep finding myself on dates with guys who order not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR alcoholic beverages. The caveat to drinking on a date is you’re not really sure if you’re vibing with someone in an authentic manner. I could elaborate but that’s pretty self-explanatory. Another caveat is the date can get out of control, annoying, or dangerous.
I wrote details about my last few dates and deleted them because I don’t want to remember them nor do they really matter. My biggest take from the dates is this: I want to be 100% sober on a date, and I want him to be as well. I need to start dating guys who have the same intentions that I do. I know I am a rare one who is actually on a dating site to find my lifetime partner, and because of that, sitting somewhere comfortable with a cup of tea or coffee seems like the best way to initially meet someone and get a little insight on their general character. I also feel like my ideal guy wouldn’t consider getting buzzed when he first meets me either. Or at least that’s what I would hope. These bar hopping dates in loud and crazy environments just completely throw me off and are not working for me. I don’t want to scream loud just to ask him how many brothers and sister he has. Or feel uncomfortable because everyone around is beyond drunk and distracting.
I used to be against coffee dates. They seemed lame to me. As I continue to grow I see things differently.
I just want to start over with how I date people. I want to meet a nice guy, and even if he isn’t a winner for me or I’m not a winner for him, I want to know at the end of it that I went on a nice, respectful, authentic date with a nice guy, and didn’t waste my time.
That’s it. That’s all I want.
Onward and upward,